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No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: ...
26.12.2009 5:13:29 +0000
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1. They replicate quickly. ... Okay, Windows does that.

2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so. ... Okay, Windows does that.

3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk. ... Okay, Windows does that too.

4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. ... Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. ... Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus. ... It's a bug.

There was a boy who had to use an outhouse and he hated it sooo bad. ...
26.12.2009 5:8:29 +0000
There was a boy who had to use an outhouse and he hated it sooo bad. One day it started to rain really hard and it got the bank all slippery and wet so he decided to push it off. He did it and later that night his father asked him if he pushed off the outhouse.

He said: "Yes."

His father told his son to come with him to get his whipping.

The boy said: "George Washington didn't get in trouble when he chopped down the cherry tree because he was honest."

The boys father said: "but George Washingtons father wasn't in the cherry tree when he chopped it down."

THIS HEADQUARTERS REQUIRES NO PHYSICAL FITNESS PROGRAM. ...
26.12.2009 5:3:29 +0000
THIS HEADQUARTERS REQUIRES NO PHYSICAL FITNESS PROGRAM. Everyone here gets enough exercise:

1) Jumping to conclusions.
2) Flying off the handle.
3) Carrying things too far.
4) Dodging responsibilities and
5) Pushing their luck.

What did God say after she made Eve? ...
26.12.2009 4:58:29 +0000
What did God say after she made Eve?

Practice makes perfect.

What's the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital? ...
26.12.2009 4:53:29 +0000
What's the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital?

At a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out.

There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner ...
26.12.2009 4:48:29 +0000
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him. They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel ... they said, because it was bigger.

One day after Little Johnny grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"

Slowly, Little Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and he said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!"

A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he wants. ...
26.12.2009 4:43:29 +0000
A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item she does not want!

How does bob marley like his donuts? ...
26.12.2009 4:38:29 +0000
How does bob marley like his donuts?

With jamin!

One Sunday afternoon, a guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. ...
26.12.2009 4:33:29 +0000
One Sunday afternoon, a guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender said, "Sorry, pal. No pets allowed."

The man replied, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see."

The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turned on the game.

The guy said, "Watch. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips." The Jets keep scoring field goals and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.

"Wow! That's one hell of a dog you got there. What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?" asked the bartender.

The man replied, "I don't know. I've only had him for seven years."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" ...
26.12.2009 4:28:29 +0000
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"

Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."

Woman: "That's in the phone book too."