| SHOUT BOX | "Walking Eagle"
President Bush was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation last weekend in Arizona. He spoke for almost an hour on his future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living. He referred to his career as Governor of Texas, how he had signed "YES" 1,237 times - for every Indian issue that came to his desk for approval.
Although the President was vague on the details of his plan, he seemed most enthusiastic about his future ideas for helping his "red brothers." At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented the President with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, Walking Eagle. The proud President then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.
A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs how they come to select the new name given to the President. They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of s**t it can no longer fly.
"Smell Nice"
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department, and states that she wants to write a sexual harassment grievance against the co-worker. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget
" The Miracle of Toilet Paper "
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds. Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. How long will this take?" I ask. They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies. I stop. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?" Without missing a beat he says, worked for your butt, didn't it?"
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, may even
walk again.
" Why there are so many different boxes of condoms"
Father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, “Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.” The son then asks his father, “What's the 6-pack for?” The father replies, “Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.” Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for. The father replies, “Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for.....”
There is no charge for love
A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups. He set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving in the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy. “Mister” he said, “I want to buy one of your puppies.” “Well,” said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, “These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money.” The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. “I’ve got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?” “Sure,” said the farmer. With that he let out a whistle. “Here, Dolly!” he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared; this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up…..”I want that one,” the little boy said, pointing at the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy’s side and said, “Son, you don’t want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would.” With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down and began rolling up the one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, “You see sir, I don’t run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands. “ With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup. Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy. “How much?” asked the little boy. “No charge,” answered the farmer. “There is no charge for love.” The world is full of people who need someone who understands.
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| Dave | 52 years old
Male
Dublin, OH
Hometown: Montgomery, WVa
Last Login: 8/3/2009
Purchase Dave |
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"What will be, will be" |
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| | Music: | | | Movies: | Shawshank Redemption, Its a Wonderful Life
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| BIO | | PHYSICAL | | Race: | Caucasian | | Height: | 6'0" | | Body Type: | Average | | SOCIAL | | Marital Status: | Single | | Children: | Proud parent (3) | | Sexual Orientation: | Straight | | Smoker: | Yes | | Drinker: | No | | EMPLOYMENT/EDUCATION | | Education: | Some College | | Occupation: | Computer Technician (Self Employed) |
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