A friend and I were talking yesterday about new year resolutions. Some years ago, I had only one: I resolve to refrain from making any new year resolutions.

This is the only one I’ve ever kept 100%. This has been a first for me, to stick to one completely. It feels pretty good.

He told me that he makes them as a way to set his intentions and that if he doesn't keep to it (which, he informed me, he never does) he sees the effort as a way to create space for the change to take place. It usually does eventually, he added.

None of us need another reason to beat ourselves up. Setting intentions for positive change is a wonderful thing, as long as we don't turn it into a way to be negative. What kind of sense does that make?

Make the change in this moment. That's all we have anyway. And if you don't make it in the next moment, try to make it a source for loving amusement towards yourself.

"Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused" anon.

Try for nonjudgement. what could it hurt? Then focus on when you did do it the new way. Remember how it felt. Embrace it softly with your mind and heart. Continue, whenever it occurs to you, to do this. Over time, the new way will become part of you effortlessly.

Approaching new year resolutions the way my friend did seems pretty healthy to me. Unfortunately, I couldn't seem to pull it off. if i couldn't hold to a resolution totally, I’d feel like a loser s**t (again) and give up altogether. Then i'd try the same thing again next year, next month, next week only to play out the pattern again. Is it any surprise that the shine of positive changes lost it's luster? There was nothing for it: I had to quit cold turkey.

The new relationship I have with changes works much better for me. Here and now, anyway. Here and now, the best resolution I ever made was to be as gentle with myself as I can manage. I need an easy balance between discipline and compassion. This tends to be easier for me to attain with other people. Well, most other people. But with myself it's difficult.

My friend and I ended our talk with plans to get together at the end of the week. He said we could break a couple new year resolutions together. I laughed and replied, "Yeah, let's set the bar really low right outta' the gate!". He was down with that.

I resolve to be a better friend and lover to myself, to know that whatever I’m doing at the moment is the best I can do at the moment.

I think I just made a new year resolution. So much for 100% of anything!

100% human.

copyright 2008  Calleaghn Kinnamon