>>>IT TAKES A WOMAN TO REALLY GET THIS! >>>This has to be one of the funniest and most god-awful scenarios I have >>>ever heard of... Bless this woman!!! >>> >>>All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy, >>>painless removal. The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now.... Wax!! >>> >>>My night began as any other normal weekday night. >>>Come home; fix dinner; played with the kids. >>>I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next >>>few hours; >>>"Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine cabinet?" >>> >>>So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. >>>It was one of those cold wax kits. >>>No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your >>>hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart, press it to your leg >>>(or wherever else) and hair comes right off! >>> >>>No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? >>>I mean, I'm no girly, girl, but I am mechanically inclined enough that I >>>can figure it out. >>> >>>*YA THINK!!!* >>> >>>So I pull one of the thin strips out. >>>It's two strips facing each other, stuck together. Instead of rubbing >>>them together, I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. >>>Cold wax my rear end (Oh, how this phrase haunts me!). I lay the strip >>>across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. >>> >>>OK... So it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do >>>this!!! Hair removal no longer eludes me!! I am She-Ra, fighter of all >>>wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!! >>> >>>With my next wax strip, I move "north". After checking on the kids, I >>>sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
>>>I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same >>>procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of the bikini >>>line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the >>>inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and >>>brace myself.... RRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!! >>> >>>I'm Blind!!!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!!... >>> >>>OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!! >>> >>>Vision returning, I notice that I've only >>>managed to pull off half of the strip. CRAP !! Another deep breath and >>>RRIIPP... Everything is swirly and spotted. Do I hear crashing >>>drums????? OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - A wax covered >>>strip with my hairy pelt that has caused me so much pain, sticking to it.
>>>I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold >>>up the strip! >>> >>>There's no hair on it! >>> >>>Where is the hair?? >>> >>>WHERE IS THE WAX? >>> >>>Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the >>>hair... The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching >>>wax. CRAP !!! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, >>>which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. >>> >>>Then I make the next BIG mistake . . . . . . . Remember, my foot is still
>>>propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something, so I put my >>>foot down. >>> >>> DARN !!! >>>I hear the slamming of the cell door. >>> >>>Vagina? >>> >>>Sealed shut! >>> >>>Butt?? >>> >>>Sealed shut!!! >>> >>>I penguin walk around the bathroom, trying to figure out what to do and >>>think to myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may >>>pop off." >>> >>>Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can >>>stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax >>>should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right?? >>> >>>*WRONG!!!!* >>> >>>I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture >>>prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only >>>thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together is having >>>them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub. In scalding >>>hot water!! Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. >>> >>>So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!! God bless the man what >>>convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!! I call my friend, >>>thinking surely she's waxed before and has come secret of how to get me >>>undone. It's a very good conversation starter, "So my butt and who-ha >>>are stuck to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She >>>doesn't have a secret trick, but does try to hide the laughter from me. >>>She wants to know exactly where the wax is located on bottom, "Are we >>>talking cheeks or hole or what?" >>> >>>She's laughing out loud by now... >>> >>>I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the >>>number on the side of the box. >>> >>>YEAH!!! Right!!!!!! >>> >>>I would be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various >>>solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels >>>better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, >>>stuck to the tub in super hot water, and then dry shaving the sticky wax >>>off!!! >>> >>>By now, the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I >>>slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me an >>>my hand reaches towards the saving grace... >>> >>>The lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have >>>to lose at this point. I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!! >>> >>>The scream probably woke the kids, scared the >>>dickens out of my friend, but I really don't care!! >>> >>>"IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!" >>> >>>I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I >>>successfully remove the remainder of >>>the wax and then notice, to my grief and despair... >>> >>> >>> >>>THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!! >>> >>>So, I shaved it off. >>> >>>Heck, I'm numb at this point. >>> >>>Next week I'm going to try hair color . . .!!!!!!!!!!!
