In the beggining you look for the perfect match, your other half.  That one that fits you just right.  You will become one, and the world will be a better place.  FUll of love and happiness, nothing else will matter in this life.  Just the two of you.  Always together.  You for her.  You for him.  And ditto for you both.  You don't need to search far, here's one here.  No they're over here.  Wrong again.  Its this one I know for sure.  Time after time you're loves turn into leaves, and fall dead to the ground, they belong now to someone else. 

They were never meant to be.  Your mistake.  Everytime you tell yourself you will learn from these mistakes,and you do  a little.  But some mistakes can be so convincing.  At first you put up a little fight. denying what is.  No this is the one.  Don't you leave me.  But you're no stalker.  You only want to find your true love.  So in the end you let go, and keep traveling along. Only each time you take a different path.  To the right, to the left, even looking for shortcuts.  This person loves me, maybe in time I could learn to love them too.  And you convince yourself that you do, and oh its so nice.  Such a long lasting relationship, then much to your suprise you turn out to not be what your hearts pet wanted after all, and they leave you before you remember you weren't in love with them in the first place. 

Love can be so cruel when you're blinded, but when you're eyes are open just a distant memory. You've learned to live in the dark.  You're so desperate now.  True love?  what is that?  You laugh out loud, at anyone mentioning such a ridiculous thing.  Opposites attract you say.  I have what you want, and you have what I want.  Lets make a deal.  Sign on the dotted line, and lets get this money printed.  But people without love, can make your past seem so wonderful, and you go looking for your past.  One by one you relive it all.  This time its going to be different.  They've grown up, you've grown up.  This whole time they've probably secretly longed for you.  And they have.  You and everyone else they've ever known.  Get in line.  Good intentions turn to sadness, sadness turns to desperation, desperation turns to madness, madness turns to anger, anger turns to... the world is better single, and alone.  You don't need anyone.  No one to make you hurt.  You can do that on your own. 

You've left the path, and now wonder along through the woods.  Every now and then crossing over someone else's path, and laughing to yourself and their hopeless journey.  Wouldn't it be fun to mess with them?  Or maybe you should spare their pathetic lives from so much pain.  Angel or demon?  Hmmmmm.   Time goes by.  The holes in your heart are closed.  Not healed, just filled with indifference.  Whatever love you might have left will be kept inside safely.  You'll never let it go.  Its your's and your's alone for as long as you shall take a breath.  You're all that matters.  And now we've come to the end.  To grow old alone once seemed such an awful thing, but now it seems quite poetic.  Romantic even.  haha yeah.  That's the way of the world.  You're not blind anymore.  You can see all around you.  So many people pretending to be in love.  Lying to their partners, lying to themselves, or confusing love with lust, love with survival. 

Now what will you do?  You need a new journey.  A new adventure.  A new life's mission.   You make your decision, and you begin your journey.  And that's when it happens.  You meet someone, someone that has given up on their first life's conquest, and now is on another.  And you learn they are alot like you.  They interest you, and as you get to know them, you learn they are more alike then you could ever think possible.  People are in amazement at how similar you are.  Someone like you.  Someone just like you.  You think you're beginning to crack.  No not again!  Not this time!  But you can't fight it.  This one has managed to break all your chains, crumble all your walls.  This one has made your heart burst, and you're love is pouring on the floor down into the cracks, and is swallowed up by the earth, becoming part of everything you see.   Everywhere you look is a reminder of the one you thought impossible.  Your every thought is about them.  Every thought?  You've thought about many loves alot, but never like this.  Every single thought.  Maybe you should try, maybe you should go for it.  Yes, no, yes, no...oh hell what's one more. Go for it! 

But this time you're going to give it a fighting chance.  You remember your past mistakes.  You won't make them again.  But its the things you thought were mistakes that are actually your most wonderful qualities.  The person who is just like you has these mistakes too, and you both learn that they are not mistakes at all.  And time goes on.  And you test it.  You test her.  You test him.  And you test one another.  Pass, pass, pass, oh you found their weakness, well it was good while it ...no!  They recover and pass. 

But Things are so perfect in the beginning.   This is all too good to be true.  Wake up. Snap yourself out of it, and you become untrusting, as you try to make yourself open your eyes once more, and see the reality, so you can die once more, and then go on with your life.  And you fight with yourself, and you fight with them.  But each time you grow closer, your love stronger.  What is this?  This isn't suppose to happen.  Why do you love them more now then a second ago, more today then yesterday?  Is it? Could it be ?  Love?  After all this time, by mistake you just happen to find love when you had given up?  No.  Its not.  Open your eyes.  Fight and fight.  You're leaving, they're leaving.  Its over.  Its done.  If you can just let go then you will be alright.  Die and be reborn.  The pain won't last long, you've gotten use to it.  This one might sting a little longer then the others, but it will make you invincible to love. 

So you let go once again.  Oh man you laugh to yourself.  Yeah you really thought it was actually love.   How foolish.  Now open your eyes, and see the mistake that you made.  Look upon what you thought was your other half. 

One eye slowly opens.... huh?   The other eye opens faster.  What's this?   This is not what you expected.  You're eyes are wide open, and sitting in front of you is your true love.  This person you thought was your biggest mistake is standing right in front of you, and you could never be more in love with anyone else ever.  You will fight for them, you will die for them, they are you.  They always were.  Time does not matter.  You belong together, and always have.  There's no point in looking anymore.  This is the one.  And now let me tell you this.  As one who has made this journey myself.  Treat them better then even yourself, and they will treat you better then themselves.  No matter what a true love will never leave you, and they will do anything for you.  take good care of your love, and watch it grown.  Bad days will come, but your wounds will be healed not by your own love, but by the love of your soulmate.  And as I tell you this, I now know what I must do.  My own love waits for me.  Good luck with yours.  I can't wait to see mine. 

This is not the ending you had expected all along.  Only this is not the ending, its just the beginning.  You have just now been born.  Enjoy your life. 

Shiena Bitong I am right here.  I could never wander that far from you.  We are attached at the soul.  I love you.  Always will.   Whatever you decide to do, wherever you will go, I will be there.  I hope you're sleeping well.  Hope you're taking care of yourself.  I miss you.  I always do.  

love your migs.