Act 1
Ah Beng to a long-distance telephone operator :
"COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Taipei AND Las Vegas?"
Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..."
Ah Beng: "THANK YOU," AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.

Act 2
At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Beng's left tells the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE" and his companion says,
"JACK DANIELS, SINGLE".The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks,
"AND YOU, SIR?"
Ah Beng replies: "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED."

Act 3
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on
for quite sometime,
Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT," Ah Beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO LONG." the friend exclaims.
"YOU ARE A FOOL".
Ah Beng replies, SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN "FOR 4-7 YRS".

Act 4
Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it
when he encountered some problems.He decide to use the
'Help' command after some tries. Soon after,he become very irritated
and called the computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng: "I pressed the 'F1' key for help... but it's been over half
an hour & still nobody has come to help me...."

Act 5
Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears
and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring
but instead of picking up the phone,I accidentally picked up the
iron and stuck it to my ear. ? Oh Dear!"the doctor exclaimed in
disbelief.
"But what happened to the other ear?" That stupid dumb called back!"

Act 6
Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

Only in America...can a pizza get to your house
faster than an ambulance...

Only in America...are there handicap parking places
in front of a skating rink...

Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers,
a large fry, and a diet coke...

Only in America...do banks leave both doors open
and then chain the pens to the counters...

Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars
in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...

Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone
we didn't want to talk to in the first place...

Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten
and buns in packages of eight...

Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe
the process so well: "Poli" in Latin meaning "many"
and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures"...