>>>IT TAKES A WOMAN TO REALLY GET THIS!
>>>This has to be one of the funniest and most god-awful scenarios I have
>>>ever heard of... Bless this woman!!!
>>>
>>>All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy,
>>>painless removal. The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now.... Wax!!
>>>
>>>My night began as any other normal weekday night.
>>>Come home; fix dinner; played with the kids.
>>>I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next
>>>few hours;
>>>"Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine cabinet?"
>>>
>>>So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom.
>>>It was one of those cold wax kits.
>>>No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your
>>>hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart, press it to your leg
>>>(or wherever else) and hair  comes right off!
>>> 
>>>No muss, no fuss.  How hard can it be?
>>>I  mean, I'm no girly, girl, but I am mechanically inclined enough that I 
>>>can figure it out.
>>>
>>>*YA  THINK!!!*
>>>
>>>So I pull one of the thin strips  out.
>>>It's two strips facing each other, stuck together.   Instead of rubbing
>>>them together, I get out the hair dryer and  heat it to 1000 degrees.
>>>Cold wax my rear end (Oh, how this  phrase haunts me!).  I lay the strip
>>>across my thigh.  Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
>>>
>>>OK...  So it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.  I can do 
>>>this!!!  Hair removal no longer eludes me!! I am She-Ra,  fighter of all
>>>wayward body hair and smooth skin  extraordinaire!!
>>>
>>>With my next wax strip, I  move "north".  After checking on the kids, I
>>>sneak back  into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship. 




>>>I drop my panties and place  one foot on the toilet.  Using the same
>>>procedure, I  apply the wax strip across the right side of the bikini
>>>line,  covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the 
>>>inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip).  I  inhale deeply and
>>>brace myself.... RRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!! 
>>>
>>>I'm Blind!!!!!  Blinded from  pain!!!!!!...
>>>
>>>OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!! 
>>>
>>>Vision returning, I notice that I've only 
>>>managed to pull off half of the strip. CRAP !! Another deep breath and 
>>>RRIIPP... Everything is swirly and spotted.  Do I hear  crashing
>>>drums????? OK, back to normal.  I want to see my  trophy - A wax covered
>>>strip with my hairy pelt that has  caused me so much pain, sticking to it.




>>>I want to revel in the glory  that is my triumph over body hair.  I hold
>>>up the strip! 
>>>
>>>There's no hair on it!
>>> 
>>>Where is the hair??
>>>
>>>WHERE IS  THE WAX?
>>>
>>>Slowly I ease my head down, foot  still perched on the toilet.  I see the
>>>hair... The hair  that should be on the strip.  I touch.  I am touching 
>>>wax. CRAP  !!! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, 
>>>which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. 
>>>
>>>Then I make the next BIG mistake . . . . . .  . Remember, my foot is still




>>>propped up on the  toilet.  I know I need to do something, so I put my
>>>foot down. 
>>>
>>> DARN !!!
>>>I hear the  slamming of the cell door.
>>>
>>>Vagina? 
>>>
>>>Sealed shut!
>>> 
>>>Butt??
>>>
>>>Sealed shut!!! 
>>>
>>>I penguin walk around the bathroom, trying to  figure out what to do and
>>>think to myself, "Please don't let  me get the urge to poop.  My head may
>>>pop off." 
>>>
>>>Hot water!!  Hot water melts wax!!   I'll run the hottest water I can
>>>stand into the bathtub, get  in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax
>>>should melt and I  can gently wipe it off, right??
>>>
>>>*WRONG!!!!* 
>>>
>>>I get in the tub - The water is slightly  hotter than that used to torture
>>>prisoners of war or sterilize  surgical equipment - I sit.  Now, the only
>>>thing worse that  having your nether businesses glued together is having
>>>them  glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.  In scalding 
>>>hot water!!  Which, by  the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
>>> 
>>>So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!!  God bless  the man what
>>>convinced me I should have a phone in the  bathroom!!!  I call my friend,
>>>thinking surely she's  waxed before and has come secret of how to get me 
>>>undone.  It's a very good conversation starter, "So my  butt and who-ha
>>>are stuck to the bottom of the tub!"   There is a slight pause.  She
>>>doesn't have a secret  trick, but does try to hide the laughter from me.
>>>She wants to  know exactly where the wax is located on bottom, "Are we 
>>>talking cheeks or hole or what?"
>>> 
>>>She's laughing out loud by now...
>>> 
>>>I can hear her.  I give her the rundown and she suggests  I call the
>>>number on the side of the box.
>>> 
>>>YEAH!!! Right!!!!!!
>>>
>>>I would  be the joke of someone else's night.  While we go through various 
>>>solutions, I resort to  scraping the wax off with a razor.  Nothing feels
>>>better then to  have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut,
>>>stuck  to the tub in super hot water, and then dry shaving the sticky wax 
>>>off!!!
>>>
>>>By now, the brain is  not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I
>>>slip into  glazed donut land.  My friend is still talking with me an 
>>>my hand reaches towards the saving grace...
>>> 
>>>The lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.  What  do I really have
>>>to lose at this point.   I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!
>>> 
>>>The scream probably woke the kids, scared the 
>>>dickens out of my friend, but I really don't care!! 
>>>
>>>"IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!"
>>> 
>>>I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs  up.  I
>>>successfully remove the remainder of 
>>>the wax and then notice, to my grief and despair... 
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>THE HAIR IS  STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>
>>>So, I  shaved it off.
>>>
>>>Heck, I'm numb at this point. 
>>>
>>>Next week I'm going to try hair color . .  .!!!!!!!!!!!