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| Poems (29) | there are lots of them
im fairly certain they are all written from the same inspiration, depression, but then again this is how i deal with things so it might take you a while to read them all since im putting them all in one blog comment with which ones u like and why they are numbered for easy reference
1. Everything happens for a reason?
when people say
everything happens for a reason
the only thing i think of
for hours on end
is "what was that reason?"
how does this possibly,
remotely help the rest of my life?
what possible reason
what possible explination is there
to justify the pain?
to justify the suffering?
to justify the time lost in these feelings?
sufficated by pain
drowned by suffering
slashed by knowledge
and beaten down with knowledge of the past
what can make these feelings go away?
what can make me feel better?
how can i get over,
what i cant get a hold on?
2. When the heart gets involved
when the heart gets involved
nothing physical is put on the line
until after the emtional
after the emotional is put on the line
the outcome can change an outlook
can change the pattern of normality
can change the lifestyle of one
and can ultimately effect the physical
when the heart gets involved
its sink or swim
its the sky or the pit
its heaven or hell
the stability of normal decisions
doesnt exist when the heart gets involved
when the heart gets involved
the devider between success and failure
becomes so razor thin
and so inclined
that its either bliss or torture
3. Lovesaver or Lifesaver?
when your heart collapses
from its home in the chest
to the corrosiveness of the stomach
from the supports
built up by a daydream not realized
what do you do?
do you leave it there
to corrode and dissintagrate
leaving all chance of love
in a pool of acid
or do you try and fish it out
trying to rescue
that which has been
eaten away at
and never fully love again
the real decision
lies withing one choice
would you really be able
to present a facade
for the rest of your life
or would it be better
to never have to
present such a front
to those you know?
4. Petisals
where it was believed to have began
is all wrong
where it was believed to have began
is where it was strengthened
it truely started back
way back at the beginning
but i thought myself unworthy
what i wished to atain was
far out of reach on a higher petistal than i
i looked away
for fear of the want
causing me to reach out and jump
and meet with the inevitable fall
and when the petistal was lowered
i could not help but look
and took that leap
but it seems that there is no room for me
on that petistal
not anymore
so i am falling
and not knowing wen i am to stop
something has slowed me down
ropes from a few petistals round my own
helping me to slow down and find my way back
back to my own petistal
back to my own stablilty
back to my own tranquility
and to those who have casted their ropes to me
i thank and love thee with all my heart
5. Misunderstandings
sometimes they can be worth
nothing more than a number on a paper
sometimes they can be worth
the passing grade
sometimes they can be worth
life and the prevention of death
but sometimes,
sometimes they can be worth so much more
the pain suffered by one
that could have been prevented
by one less misunderstanding
the heart tells no lies
but when mistaken
can be broken
into thousands of shards
of hope and wonder
that end up laying on the floor
withering,
dying,
helping no one anymore
6. "The Stone I Cast"
a stone thrown long ago
has come down and shattered
what was once my stable situation
so i lay there broken on the ground
not knowing when to get up
or when to just stay down
and as i lay there battered and shattered
i came upon an epiphany
that the stone that had hurt me so
was casted by myself
7. "Living with/without"
living with breath
living without everything
living with power
living without abuse
living with knowledge
living without her
living with pain
living without joy
is no living at all
8. "Actor to Actress"
i dont want to pay attention to lines
i dont want to pay attention to blocking
because when i look into your eyes,
the feelings come back flocking,
and my mind to my heart is mocking,
IT CAN NEVER BE, CANT YOU SEE?!
IT JUST CANT BE!
it just cant be,
at least,
not for me
9. "The Cycle"
through the trials and trivulations that we endure everyday,
we seek what we desire and block that which we shun and despise
we desire what we can not have and despise that which we do
we want to do everything right and change everything weve done
yet when the things weve done have changed,
the person that developed originally dies and spawns something different from ourselves
with different desires and different hates
yet this could be something better or worse
depending on the outcome
and the cycle starts again
10. "On paper..... Pain than Pleasure"
through the trials and trivilations of the world known to our conscious self,
the one things that eludes those who dont understand it,
is that which allows us to survive and thrive
the one thing that brings us up from a crappy day
and the one thing that shouldnt let you down
on paper, it sounds so simple
yet in practice, it causes more pain then pleasure
those who understand the pleasure wish to keep it
those who havent wish to obtain and understand
one thing that has no substance yet exists for many people
on paper, it sounds so simple
yet in practice it causes more pain than pleasure
11. "The Biggest Fall of Your Life"
that which we try so hard to achive and create
will eventually fade into oblivion
that which we achive after that trying
is only temperary
that which we gain from the achivement
wont last long
only enough to set you up
for the biggest fall of your life
12. "Waiting"
waiting can be fun
waiting can be torture
waiting can cause anxiaty
waiting can cause gitty-ness
yet in the end
the more you wait
the more suffering is brought about
when the waiting ends
and the answer is given
13. "The Vision of Pain"
The vision of THE ONE
with desires for another
is three pains in one:
the pain of wanting THE ONE
the pain of wanting THE ONE to be happy
and the decision of which you want more
14. "Pure Regret"
i wish i hadnt done
something i had
i cant tell you how much
it tears me apart inside
i can hardly pull myself together
to write these words
too many pieces to focus on
not enough mental glue
to hold them together
ive been hurting for so long
torn into increasingly smaller pieces
so many now i wish i hadnt
done what i did
to make the first rip
that got bigger and bigger
till it became two
then four then eight
then sixteen
and more and more
each major hurt
each great pain
it gets harder and harder
to hold myself together
after every thought of you
tearing me even more
all after one event
that i wish hadnt happened
15. "Real Life Actor"
an actor is someone who sets aside their normal self
and takes on another for entertainment
focused on the prescr i pted lines and scene
with very little attention paind to putting their normal self aside
but what happanes when it isnt their normal self the are putting aside?
what happends to the performace?
how will it be recieved?
how will it be reacted to?
when too much attention is paid to covering their self
the performace wavers and wanes in its quality
and when it isnt scr i pted
it becomes nearly impossible to keep the façade up
and keep their self hidden from their audience
and when there is no stage and its interaction with people for real
the performance wanes that much more
and eventually lets little bits of their self through
and people begin to question and prod and want and explination
a fixed amount of attention
too much to divide it among
attention slips between focuses and cracks form
letting the self out through the façade
until it crumbles and falls off of the Real Life Actor
and the self is left
raw and untampered with
and full force from emotions show through
from the lack of expression of their true feelings
16. This Persona
this persona likes to write.......
to be poetic to be heard through text
to be inspired by what makes the others sad,
to bring the beauty out of the despair,
to enlighten those around of the tru and honest feelings of the personas past
17. How it gets out...
words seem to come much much easier.....
and so its the only thing i can do
because the words wont come out
and the thoughts get stuck between those of the other personas over crowding the brain
so the only outlet that this persona has,
is the arm and the pen
18. Fall from Ignorance
ignorance is a shell of protection,
yet one bit of information puts a crack in that shell
and it cant protect you from everything,
the cracks get bigger and your protection fades,
until the point where you are in a sea of knowledge
and altho knowledge can be power,
it depends how said knowledge is used
and can turn into an enemy instead of an ally,
bringing nothing but pain suffering and the deepest darked pits of ones self
causing the spiral into selfdoubt and selfinflicted injuries of the soul and emotion
19. The Question
to ask the question
to want and answer
tearing my heart appart
wanting to ask never the courage
to never ask
is my greatest fear
next to that
is what you might say dear
can i ask?
how could i?
what would you say
could i even ask why?
the chills in my spine
are pleasant yet stil i wyne
whenever i think of you
they shiver from head to the tips of my shoes
what else can be said?
where can i tread?
what grounds must i trek
until i can expect
an answer from someone like you?
20. The one in life
in the perilous jouny of life
the one who connot find a wife
a mate to be
a mate for thee
no one would sufice
no one to be found
no one said aloud
what do you wish
what kind of dish
what type would be allowed?
21. what can be wrong
every part of my
wanting thee
never knowing who to be
who do you want
is there somthing i can faunt
to make you want to be with me
what can be wrong
other than this song
with me wanting you
22. The place in my mind
in a dark place in my mind
no one who is kind
myself as a murderer, killer, or demon
upset until i feed'em
i cant settle my mind
unsettled and cannot find
the answer needed
they cant be defeated
how much time
do i need to find
the one to settle my mind?
23. untitled
i sit up late at night in my bed
and wonder how to get you out of my head
all of the things i wish to say
i am shy so it is impossible that way
all the things i wish to feel
locked up inside me, behind this seal
to hold you in my arms
lest we deal our friendship any harm
how is it that i can express
realeave my heart from its duress
i want to feel for you so
still afraid of your no
24. It should be..."
telling somone that you love them
should be heartful
should be unique
should be romantic
should be perfect
.....
that is...
if that someone loves you back
25. LOST LOVE"
L istening for any clue to her feelings
O bligating myself to stay and see what happens
S taying close not to loose sight of her
T elling her, and being rejected
L eering at my self in the mirror
O ver how much pain i am putting myself through
V enting my anger at myself on what i have
E ntering depression not sure of the complete outcome
26. "The pain of regret"
the pain of not knowing
of anticipation
offset by the joy of imagination
it could go a thousanmd different ways
but all rooted from two things:Agree & Disagree
Yes & No
not wanting to think of the bad
your mid frolicks endlessly in the bliss of any number of ways to say yes
until you want to ask
then your mind turns to the other side of the equation
the negative:
the"what if..."
the "how do i say it?"
the "how would i feel if..."
the "how much would it hurt?"
all that, still set off by the first side
the "X" factor that makes the equation or -
until you finnally ask
What is "X"?
and solve for "L"
and find the answer is -
there is nothing to offset anything now
its right infront of you now
clear as day, black as night
set in stone
1=1, X=X, L= -
and now there is only one thing left
the pain of knowing
the pain of the truth
the pain of no more "what if..."'s
the pain of imagination being crushed by the truth
...
the vicious, overpowering, unrelenting force
that is...
the pain of regret
27. Fear: Loosing her Forever
I found her and tried to stay close
until i realized she was taken
but that it stood on very shakey ground
i thought i had time
but it seems time has escaped me
time brought a trickle of water between us
but time is unforgiveing
and that trickle became a river
but that river didnt stay a river, it grew and grew into a lake
i try to build up walls to shield my feelings from preying eyes
but it seems i cant keep them up for very long before they break down
and i cant hold my feelings in anymore
i have let go of her physicaly
but my memories of her are as vibrant as ever
i cant let go of the times we had
but that lake has become an ocean
and our two lands, i fear, will never meet again
and all i pray is that i can admire her from a far
because that ocean will someday push her over the horisen
and i will have lost her forever
though it seems as though my fear has come true
and i have already lost her
and nothing can be done to stop her from drifting away
28. I will nolonger be myself
from watching her from afar
i see her happiness
and it seems to translate into happiness for myself
i see her smile
and i smile
i see her laugh
and i laugh on the inside
to keep preying eyes away
i can not explain it
it just happens
yet there is another feeling that fights for control
other than my yerning for her
is this other feeling that fights that one
a small voice in the back of my mind
it says that, seeing her happy like this
even though it makes me happy
it seems that she has moved on
and doesnt need anything else
to keep her happy
and that, if i were to be in her life
i would just make it more complicated
and to see her in any way sad or upset
would make me feel terrible because i caused it
so these to feelings
my yerning for her
and my voice of doubt about being with her
fight a never ending battle that will rage on and on
with no winner
for breif moments, one will win
and that feeling will over come me
but within a few moments the other will get back up
and fight again
no clear winner
no clear feeling
no clear anything
and what i fear is that these feelings will never go away
and when i can no longer admire her from a far
i will not stay sain for very long
and my feelings will no longer be satisfied
because there is no sight of her to stop the fighting
and the fighting will rip me apart inside
and i will no longer be myself
29. A Hopeless Cause
i think of the times we had
and i think of the laughter we shared
then i think of all my wonderful friends
who try to help me in my plight
i thank everyone of you for trying
then i think of how she hates me so...
and i think to myself...
it seems so much...
like a hopeless cause
for i yern for the unatainable
and wish for something that cannot be granted
then i think to myself
there is nothing i can do to change the facts
and dispite all my friends efforts
they all are in vein
and nothing can be done
and now that i reflect on all of this...
my wishes
my yernings
how she hates me
the times we had that are now gone, never to return
my friends, and how they have tried to help me
i see now that all that has been done to help make my wish come true
has gone wowards a hopeless cause
the ocean berween us will not stop growing
and i dare not take my eyes off of you to build a boat
for i fear i may loose the way to find you
and i will sail across the ocean evermore
to find your island that time has made
so you see..
all my and my friends efforts seem to go towards a hopless cause
because time flows in none but one way
forward
and there isnt a power to change that
so all my efforts are for
a hopeless cause | | Posted: 10/11/2007 at 02:27 | Read 10 times | 0 comments | Leave Comment |
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